Tuesday, May 1, 2012
"How are you feeling?", she asked me the other day. "About What?", knowing all to well what she was referring to. I couldn't answer because it was all boiling up inside me.
- Impatience - frustration - jealously - guilt -
Been walking around the mountain again...UGH!!!...
Lord thank You for loving me anyways.
We are in this "waiting period" within the infertility world, and let me tell you it sucks! Yes, I know HE is stretching me/us, but man it is not easy sometimes (and don't get me wrong peeps; I dont think that having a baby with make everything cake and ice-cream).
I have not blogged in awhile because all the sudden I started feeling very vunerable putting this all out there. I started envisioning my readers instantly judging my inner thoughts (yes, I obviously think I'm soooo important). And on top of that ridiculous imagery within my selfish mind, I had been following a fellow infertile myrtles’ blog; and instead of being happy when she found out they were pregos, I was jealous, and then I was guilty, and then I relished in it -Yikes! (you think I would be happy for them and that it would give me hope...but nope...I'm human)
So, I decided to get down on my knees and start again, then replaced these silly human thoughts with some Glorifed Armor (Deuteronomy. 10:20), and finally blog away about my guts, my sin, my hurt, my vulnerabilities.
So if you are out there, and you care, pray that I will "...hold fast to Him..."(Deuteronomy 10:20) through this.
Until next time,