Thursday, December 19, 2013
1. Two beautiful Japanese Maples for our front yard...Love, love, love!!!! Mr. C had them delivered to our shop early so I could plant them before it gets to cold.
2. Found out today that Mr. C took the first step and signed us up for a Adoption/Foster Orientation meeting for mid January. WHATTT???? So excited! My heart feels like it is jumping out of my chest. Happy jumping by the way - not anxiety - yet.
Thoughts going through my head:
Please Mrs. C don't get too excited
Pray, Pray, Pray!
Remember what you learned through the process of infertility treatments
Keep grounded, yet keep all doors open for HIM to work
Merry Christmas Everyone! May your hearts be filled with HIS love for others this year! May you see HIS works through your season of infertility! May you be blessed with the awareness of eternity!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
I have been told many times throughout this infertily ride that "God will only give you what you can handle". I used to take this as a huge offense thinking often, " oh thanks, so you are saying that I can't handle a baby". But now, after Mr. C so enlightened me, I realize that people are really saying that I can handle infertility. I can handle the heartache, the phases, the empty belly. I can handle it all not on my own accord, but by His grace alone. I have learned that infertily truly can be a blessing not of this world ( I can't believe I just wrote that). Something that reminds me daily what I should be living for: eternity. Thank YOU Father for Your will, for your ways, for our amazing family we were surrounded with today.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
I prayed this morning that HE would continue to bless me with a lowly heart. A heart that has been wrecked by HIS love is a glorious way. A heart that is scared to move now. I truly want to remember how much HE has flooded me with HIS grace through this process of infertility and invitro before we start ANOTHER NEW road to become parents.
We have decided to start researching foster care and adoption.
I am asking for prayer from my fellow infertile myrtles, our awesome support system, and anyone else who comes across this blog. Please pray that we will act on HIS will and not our own. We know absolutely nothing about foster care and adoption. I can't speak for Mr. C but I can tell you that my biggest fear is of the possible disappointment.
Let go girl - God has got it!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Mr. C and I own a small business together and therefore pay for our own health insurance. We are in the process of changing plans and have been recently denied for infertility (me) and spousal infertility (Mr. C) - what?? spousal infertility??. Okay, so we move onto a different, more expensive (triple the price), group-plan in which we are under an umbrella (meaning our history does not come into play). Come to find our tax preparer made a BIG mistake and failed to type my name on our Schedule C tax form. My name is on alllll the other forms, but not the one that matters.
Well, whatever! What can I do now? - Wait until January 1st. Looks like Obamacare will be our only option.
I am guessing there are other IFERS out there that have come across similar insurance denials. Ha! Just add it to the suckie infertile list.
Lord, I can't wait for You to come back and make it alllll good :) My trust is in you, even though my flesh doesn't show that sometimes.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
I am so strongly in favor of doing life together and I just had another reminder of why this morning. We do not have to walk through this world alone. We have Him and we have the people in our lives that He has surrounded us with to walk along side us. A dear friend shared this devotion with me today and I can't help but pass it on to all of you:
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Just a reminder that I am walking in the 2013 Walk of Hope this Sunday to show my support and to break the silence of infertility!
If you want to walk to show your support I would love some walking partners! Walking costs only your time. Here are the details:
Join Us in Irvine for this Inaugural Event!
When: Sunday, September 29th
Where: Aldrich Park, Irvine, CA
Registration will begin at 8:00 AM and the Walk begins at 9:00AM. All Walk activities will be completed by 11:00AM. This event is dog-friendly.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Personally I am praying that He gives me faith to wait on Him for an answer. I am trying to keep my focus on Him and not on this fleshly desire of mine. I believe in Him, I believe that this is not my home, and I believe that he will answer me.
Waiting on Him,
Monday, September 16, 2013
Big Fat Negative
Opposite of positive
Okie dokie, now that I got that out... Dear Father Above who loves me soooo much that sometimes You answer my prayers in ways that my flesh does not understand quite yet. And I assume (or maybe I hope) that the day I will understand, I will not care, because I will be basking in Your ravishing love. I praise You right now for my husband, my family, and my friends, but most of all I praise You for the cross. I praise You today, through my tears. I praise You for giving me hope in eternity, for the joy that still resides in my heart tonight, and for the rest I find in Your promises.
Friday, September 13, 2013
I POAS this morning...bfn (big fat negative). I am 7dp5dt (7 days past 5 day embryo transfer) with our two precious embryos. There is now only a very very small chance we are pregos. We have a blood test on Monday to confirm.
I am sad but I am also determined! I will not let my heart harden this time. I will not fight His will. I will ask Him to use my heart to be a mother in His way. I will ask Him to humble my heart. I will ask Him for mercy to get through it. I will lean on Him to heal me.
By His grace alone I stand firm today,
Monday, September 9, 2013
I am currently 3dp5t ( 3 days past 5 day embryo transfer). So far, our FET feels different from our IVF#1. I have less meds in me - Thank You Lord -, less "symptoms", but about the same amount of emotions.
No sore tatas like last time.
A little crampy
Thirsty as all heck
Laughing, crying, and waiting in Emotinoville,
Saturday, September 7, 2013
9 days and counting,
PS: I wore a long comfy black maxi dress on transfer day and it was perrrrrfet! I only had to pull it up and pull it down. No messing with all the possible undergarments and, It didn't hurt to feel pretty in a dress on transfer day too.
PSS: I had a pre-transfer day melt down. I'm pretty sure the hormones were kicking in and maybe a little anxiety, although I'd hate to admit that. I immediatey called on my awesome support system for prayers and I would highly reccommend to anyone to do the same in any time of need. Scores of texts came in leaving me full of smiles, peace, and lovin'. Luv you all!
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Of course I consulted Dr. Google about the itchy tata and it seems, according to many other "patients", that itchy tata can be a progesterone side affect. The glorious Trader Joes coco butter lotion seems to help temporarily but as soon as I think it is gone I start feeling a lovely tingle in mid-customer conversation. It's quite fabulous - and I mean fabulous with a lowercase f!
Two more days and counting :)
Friday, August 30, 2013
So far I have not had many side affects from the Lupron, estrace, vivelle dot, and prednisone aside from fatigue, which feels like AF tiredness.
My estradiol came back good today so we are still on track for a Sept. 6th transfer. I am ready to get this done, and have faith that He has got it covered whatever that may entail :)
I asked Dr. Opera about acupuncture and he said that he believes in its calming effects and that overall they know it makes people feel better. All in all, he believes it can't hurt the process. So, I went today and will go back next week.
One week and counting,
** always follow your own doctors advise, I am not giving out this info as medical advice).
Thursday, August 15, 2013
I was brought back to a basic over the last couple weeks while reading about Job's life . I was brought back to a place where the earth is so small and insignificant, where cause and effect does not always exist, and where the Almighty alone reins as my only true fulfillment.
Thank You Father. Thank You for bringing me back.
Monday, August 5, 2013
On another note, I got to see a picture of my boo's 21 week old nugget today. I'm pretty sure she was smiling already. Just precious!
Anyone out there in need of a cycle buddy starting around the 20th or so let me know...I'm all in for some symptom yapping, crying, laughing, peer-support during the dreaded 2WW (two week wait). Let's keep each other going my friends!
Much love my IF gals,
Brooke (aka Mrs. C)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
I am walking in the 2013 Walk of Hope this year to show my support and to break the silence of infertility! Check out my personal page HERE to see what it is all about!
If you want to donate via $ great! If you want to walk to show your support I would love some walking partners! Walking costs only your time.
Monday, July 29, 2013
U.G.L.Y. you ain't got no alibi you ugly, absolutely ugly!
Okay, so it wasn't the nicest cheer, but boy did it make us laugh.
The U.G.L.Y of Infertility:
I know. I am going through it too.
Infertility is hard on us as individuals, as well as our friendships, families, marriages, children, etc...
Infertility has rocked our worlds in a not so rock-in-roll way.
It has broken the picturesque version of our perfectly yet un-perfectly, fitted puzzled lives, that we had completed in our heads. And now, because of infertility, none of the pieces will fit.
My puzzle is broken.
I am blaming infertility.
And I hope HE can put me back together.
You UGLY infertility, absolutely UGLY!
A side note, not on the side: Its a scary thing to put this out there as a believer, but it's true. It's not all cake and ice-cream (or as I would say, chips and salsa) with me as a believer. But then, is it really that way with anyone? I would, in a rare mood, argue this one.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
"Hey Dallas. My heart is breaking. I cannot fix this. I don't underatnd it. I am sadder than I've ever been."This will be a test of your joyfull confidence in God.""
A few other items from this article:
"The word Spirit. ""Disemboidied personal power.""
"Beauty. ""Goodness made mainfest to senses.""
"A diciple is. ""anyone whose ultiate goal is to live a jeasus would live if he were in their place.""
"Hey Dallas, what is reality. ""Reality is what you can count on.""
- Ortberg, John. "Guide into the With-God Life." Christianity Today July/August 2013: 64-68 (Quote from Dallas Willard)
Love this stuff
Friday, July 19, 2013
Today I found the answer here:
July Aug Stepping Stones
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Well, lets hope it lasts :)
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Woman finds newborn left on sand at Hawaii beachBy JENNIFER SINCO KELLEHER | Associated Press – 7 hrs ago
A woman parked at Sandy Beach in east Honolulu sometime between 11 p.m. Sunday and midnight heard several people screaming, police spokeswoman Michelle Yu said. A few minutes later the screaming stopped and the woman heard a baby crying.
She walked toward the ocean and saw an infant on the sand. The woman took the baby to a hospital. Police are investigating the case as endangering the welfare of a minor and child abandonment.
The baby, who had been found naked, was doing well and drinking formula at the Queen's Medical Center, McManaman said. "We're just very grateful this child is alive and doing well," she said.
If no one comes forward to claim the child, the Department of Human Services will file a petition this week with family court, asking for custody. A hearing will be held by Monday. If no family is identified, the state will ask the court for permission to release a photo of the infant on Monday, McManaman said.
In 2007, Hawaii became the 48th state with a baby safe haven law, said state Rep. John Mizuno. The law provides immunity from prosecution for leaving an unharmed newborn within 72 hours of birth at a fire department, police station or hospital or with emergency services.
No one has taken advantage of the law since it was enacted, McManaman said. The baby safe haven hotline is 800-494-3991."
Friday, April 26, 2013
I heard a message this morning. Keep in mind that I am very skeptical and weary on any message I hear lately. I question motives, truth, character, etc... Any by the way, I am not saying I know it all; in fact, I am saying the opposite: I know nada. This particular message enveloped prayer. Why does God say no? Why does it feel like He doesn't answer sometimes? To summarize, the speaker said that maybe it is because we are living in sin, or maybe we are not praying the will of God. I heard a message the other day. To summarize, the speaker spoke about how we shouldn't stop knocking. That we should keep asking God. UGH...am I totally cut off from the holy spirit lately..it sure feels that way. Where is that soft whisper that directs my heart during these human fed messages? I miss it Lord. I keep hearing to seek the truth, which I believe is the living word. Does that mean I should memorize it all, sign up for Another bible study, devotion the heck out of every morning? Why do my devotions feel like BLAH lately anyways? God is obviously doing some work in me right now that I can not even organize on paper.
Not sure if this was a thought, prayer, or view but good luck getting all this.
Looking 2 HIM for help,
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
I met with two of my dear friends this morning. They are dear to me in so many ways and I was so touched that they would pack up all their gear, sick babies, strollers, bottles, etc...and travel just to sit and have coffee with me and my puppy. I was reminded that God had truly blessed me with these amazing women who still make a HUGE effort to talk about how cute Maddie is when all the passer-byers are looking at their babies. Thank YOU Father for these women. Thank YOU Lord for these friendships. What a beautiful gift to have selfless friends who go out of their way to include their barren friend. I love you gals and hope that I too can follow your model and put you before myself.
Monday, April 1, 2013
It's tiring being angry; especially when you are angry at God. I havent wanted to talk about it or think about it. I have filled my time with things that please me temporarily all the while blaming God. I shudder a little thinking about how long I have held onto the - " I don't have a baby" anger. I am relieved to say that I have finally let it go. I got down on my knees and thanked Him for understanding my human heart and the anger that had lingered there. Following, I asked for forgiveness and then thanked Him for the sweet forgiveness that comes so generously and abundantly. And now that the anger is gone, I will be making some changes. More to come...
Monday, January 21, 2013
It struck me once again when I found out last night that another lovely lady I know "fell" pregos. My initial reaction was happiness for them. Then, the memory of my bareness state flooded back into my heart and I cried. Mr. C graciously comforted me. I thought about Hannah.