Crashed

The hurt - the anger - the everything surfaced, and I crashed right into Mr C's chest on this too sunny of an October morning. Thankfully he was there to soak up the tears and mascara. I had a feeling I was feeling too okay about it all. I've been throwing anything I could get my grips on and piling it on top of this s**t (yes I just said shit because unfortunately and truthfully that's whats in my heart right now) and burring it deep down. Writing now brings it back up, and I'm trying to choke it down because I don't want to care. I don't want to want anything worldly. I want the impossible. I want to be non-human and let it all go completely, forever, and for it to never show its face again. But its a ridiculous idea, or really a dream. UGH! Lord, take away this desire...please! I am tired of wanting this.