We met with Dr. Opera on Wednesday to discuss our IVF cycle from start to finish as well as our next step. To summarize for you all: I was on the lower end of egg making - but not horrible, the cycle itself went smooth, we got pregies, we miscarried. Overall seen as a pretty good cycle. One reason I like Dr. Opera is that he shows his disappointment about the miscarriage. Although it was overall a good cycle his goal is to get us pregos and stay pregos. Its good to know he is passionate about his job.
He explained that he would up my drugs (Yipee!..complete sarcasm by the way) next fresh round...(next fresh round????). We brought up our frozen embies at that point and he then explained fresh vs frozen odds to us while encouraging another fresh cycle. Prior to our first ivf cycle Mr. C and I committed to using any frozen embryos we might end up with so, we were a little conflicted after Doc. gave us the stats which were basically 50% for fresh and 25% for frozen. He typically wants patients to wait 3 months to do another fresh cycle after miscarriage and maybe 2 for a frozen cycle if the timing works out. He wants me to call the first day of my next AF. The nurse took my blood again to make sure my HCG had descended to zero, which it had. While she pricked me she told me many times how strong Mr. C was and how "I have a good one!" She told me how hard it was to call Mr. C to tell him the bad news but that she was so impressed with his participation though the process :) We met with the financial advisor and she went over fresh vs frozen costs for the next cycle. Frozen cycles cost less. Less is still a whole lot! So, I am not sure when we will actually do the FET. We both would like to do it now and geterdone but we shall see.
After leaving the meeting Mr. C and I pleasantly found that we were on the same page. Yes, the odds are against us but we committed to using our two snowflakes and we both feel strongly about sticking to that commitment. While we could use them later, our concern is that we would end up with a plethora of embryos on another fresh round and then what??? Every IVF couple has a line they must draw and this was ours. If our frosties do not work out then maybe we will save up money for a few years and do another fresh round, or maybe we will switch to adoption; I don't know. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm up to another fresh cycle right now. Maybe in the future but not right now.
While I am anxious to start our FET (frozen embryo transfer), I am also dreading the no-coffee, no-vino, no-exercise, drug-taking, shot-giving, waiting, sitting, loooooooong - process.
I am not mad at HIM because I don't think HE is pointing HIS "finger" at me saying "Mrs. C, nope, you are not quite ready and I don't think I'll let you have a baby yet." I am mad at this fallen world that I am a part of, and I am thankful to have eternity with HIM to look forward to, and I wonder how anyone does this or anything else without HIM.
Waiting Again,
Mrs. C
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
My Pink Pen
Holding on to the gifts HE gives me right now:
HIM
Mr. C
Friends/Fam
Voice/Singing lessons
Grande Iced coffee's with half&half and 2 sugars in the raw
My Pink Pen
Yes, all of these things besides "HIM" are worldly but these are also all gifts from HIM. Gifts that are all precious: from the people we love and are loved by, to the hobbies HE allows time and money for, to the the passions we have had our whole lives, to the sweet coffee addiction fulfillments, and to the pink pens we love to write with. Thankful to HIM today for all the gifts I see and all the many gifts I don't see - yet.
HIM
Mr. C
Friends/Fam
Voice/Singing lessons
Grande Iced coffee's with half&half and 2 sugars in the raw
My Pink Pen
Yes, all of these things besides "HIM" are worldly but these are also all gifts from HIM. Gifts that are all precious: from the people we love and are loved by, to the hobbies HE allows time and money for, to the the passions we have had our whole lives, to the sweet coffee addiction fulfillments, and to the pink pens we love to write with. Thankful to HIM today for all the gifts I see and all the many gifts I don't see - yet.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The Process
Officially 4 days after our ultrasound and stopping all medication the physical process of miscarrying has begun. I woke up to cramping early this morning. The cramping was not bad however, keep in mind that I am used to bursting cysts and heavy, painful cycles from endometriosis. Throughout today I have been crampy but nothing that popping a couple of Advil won't cure.
Emotionally, I am getting through it. I have moments when the reality of it all hits me and I cry and mourn our little one, but then I get up and get going again. Everyone copes differently, but in my case I feel best doing everyday life as well as being pretty open and talking with people about it all. Which reminds me how thankful I am that we announced our pregnancy even though it was so early. I have had many people ask me if we are bummed that we announced it so early only to miscarry. I can truly say that I am so happy that people knew. And now they know why I am upset, or zoned out, or whatever I am. I am thankful for the calls, notes, emails, meals, etc. I am most thankful that we got to celebrate life with our family on the day we found out we were pregnant. I think having that time of celebration is actually helping me heal and cope with the loss.
We will meet with Dr. Opera next week for a follow up appointment to discuss this cycle and our next move, which will be the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). We have two little snowflakes waiting for us.
Emotionally, I am getting through it. I have moments when the reality of it all hits me and I cry and mourn our little one, but then I get up and get going again. Everyone copes differently, but in my case I feel best doing everyday life as well as being pretty open and talking with people about it all. Which reminds me how thankful I am that we announced our pregnancy even though it was so early. I have had many people ask me if we are bummed that we announced it so early only to miscarry. I can truly say that I am so happy that people knew. And now they know why I am upset, or zoned out, or whatever I am. I am thankful for the calls, notes, emails, meals, etc. I am most thankful that we got to celebrate life with our family on the day we found out we were pregnant. I think having that time of celebration is actually helping me heal and cope with the loss.
We will meet with Dr. Opera next week for a follow up appointment to discuss this cycle and our next move, which will be the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). We have two little snowflakes waiting for us.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Miscarriage
My beta has dropped to 60. Thankfully, no ectopic is suspected. Unthankfully, (is this a word? nope spell-check says nope but I like it anyways) I am miscarrying :(
This might sound weird but all at the same time I am numb, peaceful, well-guarded, sad, and just okay. I have not been angry (yet) - giving myself that yet for a later date if needed.
The best words from those who haven't been through this are: no words, "I love you", "I am here for you", "let's eat", or just a hug and smile.
The best words from those who have been through this are: "its okay to be angry", "its okay to be sad", "its okay to be whatever you are", and "I am here for you". Although I am not angry (yet) it has been nice to hear that it is okay to be if I am.
The best words spoken straight to my heart from my Savior have been, "I am with you always". So thankful for this and attributing the peace I have to Him!
Oh yeah, and The Husband of the Century Award goes to.....drum roll please.....MR. C! He has been more than words can say and I love him with all my heart.
Mrs. C
This might sound weird but all at the same time I am numb, peaceful, well-guarded, sad, and just okay. I have not been angry (yet) - giving myself that yet for a later date if needed.
The best words from those who haven't been through this are: no words, "I love you", "I am here for you", "let's eat", or just a hug and smile.
The best words from those who have been through this are: "its okay to be angry", "its okay to be sad", "its okay to be whatever you are", and "I am here for you". Although I am not angry (yet) it has been nice to hear that it is okay to be if I am.
The best words spoken straight to my heart from my Savior have been, "I am with you always". So thankful for this and attributing the peace I have to Him!
Oh yeah, and The Husband of the Century Award goes to.....drum roll please.....MR. C! He has been more than words can say and I love him with all my heart.
Mrs. C
Friday, September 14, 2012
Miscarriage or Ectopic
First Ultrasound Prognosis: Miscarriage or Ectopic
Don't know what to say. Mr. C prayed on the way in for us and again dedicated our baby to Him which made me fall in love all over again. Our ultrasound was very unclear because there was not much to see. We saw a tiny spec in the uterus but it was way to small and might not have even been the baby. My blood work tonight will tell us whether I am miscarrying or if it is rising still which would mean a possible ectopic. We know this little one will go straight to the arms of Jesus. We are sad to say the least, but somehow know it will be okay.
To Him be the Glory for blessing us with one of His children for even a short time,
Mrs. C
Don't know what to say. Mr. C prayed on the way in for us and again dedicated our baby to Him which made me fall in love all over again. Our ultrasound was very unclear because there was not much to see. We saw a tiny spec in the uterus but it was way to small and might not have even been the baby. My blood work tonight will tell us whether I am miscarrying or if it is rising still which would mean a possible ectopic. We know this little one will go straight to the arms of Jesus. We are sad to say the least, but somehow know it will be okay.
To Him be the Glory for blessing us with one of His children for even a short time,
Mrs. C
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Quick Update
We just got back from a wonderful trip to Mammoth. The fresh air was soooo refreshing and the getaway was exactly what we needed. I stopped thinking about "low numbers" for a whole week! We went to a family friends wedding that was set against a beautiful lake and an amazing mountain range that had swirls of colors. It was very peaceful and we really enjoyed time with the family and friends.
As far as any symptoms go I do not have much to report. I have had some pulls and twinges in the lower region here and there but nothing else major to write about. Our first ultrasound is scheduled for this Friday. I will be approximately 6.5 weeks or so. I will update everyone on our progress then. Hugs to all :)
Refreshed,
Mrs. C
As far as any symptoms go I do not have much to report. I have had some pulls and twinges in the lower region here and there but nothing else major to write about. Our first ultrasound is scheduled for this Friday. I will be approximately 6.5 weeks or so. I will update everyone on our progress then. Hugs to all :)
Refreshed,
Mrs. C
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Beta #4
9 days past 5 day embryo transfer = 35
11 days past 5 day embryo transfer = 81
13 days past 5 day embryo transfer = 108
17 days past 5 day embryo transfer = 380
My numbers are quite low yet slowly rising. Our nurse told Mr. C it could go either way at this point. No more betas will be scheduled (thank goodness!). I obviously have mixed emotions about the numbers. Happy they are rising, bummed they are very low. Our first ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday where I will be about 6.5 weeks and we hope to see a sac, baby, fetal pole, and possibly hear a heartbeat.
I have been extremely sensitive and emotional the last couple of days which has been tough for me and people around me (sorry friends). I am trying give myself some slack because HECK, I am more juiced up than cattle in line (excuse the gross description but meat is grossing me out right now so I thought is was a nice fit here :) as well as pregnant. IVF is a hard, lengthy process. People keep telling me that if it were a natural pregnancy I would not know these numbers and it would be less stressful...DUH (sensitive much Mrs. C). The thing is, that its not a natural pregnancy, we did do IVF, and I do know these numbers - rEalitY.
Symptoms: I had some AF (period) type cramping all last night as well as left leg pain. It was scary, especially with these low betas.
Praise: I believe God is good always and witnessed His awesome power yesterday touching a life of someone Mr. C and I have been praying for a long time!
Advice for other IVF'ers: People are not perfect but HE is!...seek Him, talk to Him constantly throughout this process. Poor out the truth to Him. HE is filled with forgiveness and comfort everyday through every emotion. HE isn't going to judge your up's and down's like yourself and or the world might.
Passion: I am passionate about talking to others going through Infertility. God has blessed me with a new empathy for IF (infertility) peeps. I am thankful for this new awareness. I am thankful that I can help other people. I hate IF but I love the growth I have found through this process. If you are reading this and really just need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me via this post. I would love to let you vent, listen, and just be there during your walk. I am sooo grateful to have two friends to talk to that went through IVF before me. It really is helpful. Stepping Stone Infertility's website is also an amazing resource filled with women all over dealing with every type of IF.
So stoked to be pregnant today,
Mrs. C
11 days past 5 day embryo transfer = 81
13 days past 5 day embryo transfer = 108
17 days past 5 day embryo transfer = 380
My numbers are quite low yet slowly rising. Our nurse told Mr. C it could go either way at this point. No more betas will be scheduled (thank goodness!). I obviously have mixed emotions about the numbers. Happy they are rising, bummed they are very low. Our first ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday where I will be about 6.5 weeks and we hope to see a sac, baby, fetal pole, and possibly hear a heartbeat.
I have been extremely sensitive and emotional the last couple of days which has been tough for me and people around me (sorry friends). I am trying give myself some slack because HECK, I am more juiced up than cattle in line (excuse the gross description but meat is grossing me out right now so I thought is was a nice fit here :) as well as pregnant. IVF is a hard, lengthy process. People keep telling me that if it were a natural pregnancy I would not know these numbers and it would be less stressful...DUH (sensitive much Mrs. C). The thing is, that its not a natural pregnancy, we did do IVF, and I do know these numbers - rEalitY.
Symptoms: I had some AF (period) type cramping all last night as well as left leg pain. It was scary, especially with these low betas.
Praise: I believe God is good always and witnessed His awesome power yesterday touching a life of someone Mr. C and I have been praying for a long time!
Advice for other IVF'ers: People are not perfect but HE is!...seek Him, talk to Him constantly throughout this process. Poor out the truth to Him. HE is filled with forgiveness and comfort everyday through every emotion. HE isn't going to judge your up's and down's like yourself and or the world might.
Passion: I am passionate about talking to others going through Infertility. God has blessed me with a new empathy for IF (infertility) peeps. I am thankful for this new awareness. I am thankful that I can help other people. I hate IF but I love the growth I have found through this process. If you are reading this and really just need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me via this post. I would love to let you vent, listen, and just be there during your walk. I am sooo grateful to have two friends to talk to that went through IVF before me. It really is helpful. Stepping Stone Infertility's website is also an amazing resource filled with women all over dealing with every type of IF.
So stoked to be pregnant today,
Mrs. C
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Beta #3 & on My Knees
108 @ 13 days past 5 day embryo transfer
It's low and not doubling so I have to go back on Tuesday. We are obviously discouraged but not defeated. Mr. C is much more positive than me which is great because one of us has to be ;)
Mr. C has been praying for us with such a faithful heart. I have not been so ready to accept His will. A couple of days ago during prayer I got down on my knees and in tears finally dedicated this baby to Him. I am still on the roller coaster but I feel like He is sitting right next to me now. I know He has been there all along but I needed to let go of my grip and accept His will either way.
In my googling frenzy this past week I learned what phase of IVF we are in. It has a very special name: beta hell. You are not told going into IVF about beta hell. It's a slow form of torture especially made for infertile myrtles going through IVF. You know to much, think to much, speculate to much, google to much, and everything else to much. All the while you are pregnant, maybe for the first time in your life, like me right now! So you while you should be celebrating life you are inching through each day holding onto your numbers.
108 & on my knees,
Mrs. C
It's low and not doubling so I have to go back on Tuesday. We are obviously discouraged but not defeated. Mr. C is much more positive than me which is great because one of us has to be ;)
Mr. C has been praying for us with such a faithful heart. I have not been so ready to accept His will. A couple of days ago during prayer I got down on my knees and in tears finally dedicated this baby to Him. I am still on the roller coaster but I feel like He is sitting right next to me now. I know He has been there all along but I needed to let go of my grip and accept His will either way.
In my googling frenzy this past week I learned what phase of IVF we are in. It has a very special name: beta hell. You are not told going into IVF about beta hell. It's a slow form of torture especially made for infertile myrtles going through IVF. You know to much, think to much, speculate to much, google to much, and everything else to much. All the while you are pregnant, maybe for the first time in your life, like me right now! So you while you should be celebrating life you are inching through each day holding onto your numbers.
108 & on my knees,
Mrs. C
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Beta #2 & The Nut House
First things first. I took a digital test today and got a ugly, "not pregnant"! Really, come on, give me a break. Then, I took a FRER (First Response Early Something) and got a faint positive! Really, come on, give me a break. So I am pregnant but I'm not? Okay, I don't want to diminish that it was pretty cool to see our first positive POAS (pee on a stick) test ever.
Next, I had to go pick up some meds that I ran out of at our clinic today. Although my next test was scheduled for Friday, I asked to talk to my nurse about the ugly "not pregnant" but she was out for the day and Dr. Opera was in a meeting.
The assistant said, "since you are here do you want us to do your 2nd beta test?"
"That would be awesome!" I happily accepted.
While she pricked me I asked, "So, we will get the results tomorrow sometime?"
"You will get the results tonight".
Ahhhh those were nice words to hear.
Beta #2 Results:
Doc Opera just called from his personal cell (he is the best) and told us that he is much more optimistic than he was earlier in the week. My beta had more than doubled and was now 81! Great news.
Beta #3 scheduled for Friday.
BTW: I am proclaiming myself to be officially nuts and I am totally cool with it.
Next, I had to go pick up some meds that I ran out of at our clinic today. Although my next test was scheduled for Friday, I asked to talk to my nurse about the ugly "not pregnant" but she was out for the day and Dr. Opera was in a meeting.
The assistant said, "since you are here do you want us to do your 2nd beta test?"
"That would be awesome!" I happily accepted.
While she pricked me I asked, "So, we will get the results tomorrow sometime?"
"You will get the results tonight".
Ahhhh those were nice words to hear.
Beta #2 Results:
Doc Opera just called from his personal cell (he is the best) and told us that he is much more optimistic than he was earlier in the week. My beta had more than doubled and was now 81! Great news.
Beta #3 scheduled for Friday.
BTW: I am proclaiming myself to be officially nuts and I am totally cool with it.
Ye of Little Faith
The story of our first BFP!
The day was long. The nurse told us we would get our pregnancy test results back, "this afternoon". Our plan was for Mr. C to get the call and then he would deliver the news to me (poor Mr. C now that I think about that). I worked well until about 1ish. Then my brain began playing tricks. "It's the afternoon" I thought to myself. Three ridiculous, slow, work-worthless hours later 4pm arrived. I couldn't take it anymore. I locked up my office and walked down to the shop. Mr. C was on edge too. We sat in awful anticipation for another hour together. We came to the conclusion that late news was bad news and I had a good cry. One of our friends came by the shop for a visit. The phone rang. Mr. C answered. Our thoughtful friend looked at me and said, "do you want me to give you guys a minute?". I responded, "that would be awesome". At first Mr. C's face sunk and I sunk with him. Wait - then his face went sheet white and he got up and started pacing. Finally he came over and grabbed me. I looked up and whispered, "are we pregnant?". He nodded yes and then spoke the words, "we are pregnant!!!". I burst into tears of joy. I will never forget Mr. C's smile at that moment. Then he started pacing the shop listening to the nurse as she explained our low beta number and our next step. He asked numerous questions and after he hung up we were in complete and utter shock!
* Disclaimer: I am human
I feel like I have to justify what I am about to post by shouting, " I am SOOOOOOO thankful for this living soul inside of me!!!" and "SOOOOOO thankful for a positive pregnancy test!!" Hallelujah!!!...
My beta is low. I wish I never knew my beta number! Yesterday was bitter sweet. I was so joyful for the pregnancy yet so faithless about the outcome due to my first beta number which was 35 at 9dp5det (9 days post 5day embryo transfer). The nurse described it as, "low but not horrible". They would have liked it to be around 50. I will go in on Friday for my next beta. My beta should at least triple by then if the pregnacy is progressing well. If there was ever a time for TMI (to much information)...this is it! Seriously a crazy rollercoster people!
Oh Mrs. C, Ye of Little Faith!!!
The day was long. The nurse told us we would get our pregnancy test results back, "this afternoon". Our plan was for Mr. C to get the call and then he would deliver the news to me (poor Mr. C now that I think about that). I worked well until about 1ish. Then my brain began playing tricks. "It's the afternoon" I thought to myself. Three ridiculous, slow, work-worthless hours later 4pm arrived. I couldn't take it anymore. I locked up my office and walked down to the shop. Mr. C was on edge too. We sat in awful anticipation for another hour together. We came to the conclusion that late news was bad news and I had a good cry. One of our friends came by the shop for a visit. The phone rang. Mr. C answered. Our thoughtful friend looked at me and said, "do you want me to give you guys a minute?". I responded, "that would be awesome". At first Mr. C's face sunk and I sunk with him. Wait - then his face went sheet white and he got up and started pacing. Finally he came over and grabbed me. I looked up and whispered, "are we pregnant?". He nodded yes and then spoke the words, "we are pregnant!!!". I burst into tears of joy. I will never forget Mr. C's smile at that moment. Then he started pacing the shop listening to the nurse as she explained our low beta number and our next step. He asked numerous questions and after he hung up we were in complete and utter shock!
* Disclaimer: I am human
I feel like I have to justify what I am about to post by shouting, " I am SOOOOOOO thankful for this living soul inside of me!!!" and "SOOOOOO thankful for a positive pregnancy test!!" Hallelujah!!!...
My beta is low. I wish I never knew my beta number! Yesterday was bitter sweet. I was so joyful for the pregnancy yet so faithless about the outcome due to my first beta number which was 35 at 9dp5det (9 days post 5day embryo transfer). The nurse described it as, "low but not horrible". They would have liked it to be around 50. I will go in on Friday for my next beta. My beta should at least triple by then if the pregnacy is progressing well. If there was ever a time for TMI (to much information)...this is it! Seriously a crazy rollercoster people!
Oh Mrs. C, Ye of Little Faith!!!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Beta Test #1 Results
BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BIG FABULOUS POSITIVE!!!
Praise the Lord! OMGoodness. We are pregnant!!
Beta was a bit low so please pray for my numbers to shoot up by Friday which is my next appointment. We are both beaming and so tired from the long emotional day so I will get to our beta result story tomorrow.
Ahhhh....so stoked and can't believe I'm even writing this!!!
Mrs. C
BIG FABULOUS POSITIVE!!!
Praise the Lord! OMGoodness. We are pregnant!!
Beta was a bit low so please pray for my numbers to shoot up by Friday which is my next appointment. We are both beaming and so tired from the long emotional day so I will get to our beta result story tomorrow.
Ahhhh....so stoked and can't believe I'm even writing this!!!
Mrs. C
Still waiting...
Well....its 4pm and no results yet!!!! We r going mad. I am worthless at work and I can not believe this is taking so long!!!!
Beta results hopefully soon to be posted.
Mrs. C
Beta results hopefully soon to be posted.
Mrs. C
Sunday, August 26, 2012
8 Days Post 5 Day Embryo Transfer
One more day. One more day and Mr. C and I will find out if my stomach will pop out over the next 9 months and I can eat whatever I want, or if I go back to boot camp and hot yoga in an attempt to get rid of my medicine belly. One more day and we will find out if all of these "symptoms" I am having are from the shots or growing baby/ies. One more day. It is hard to describe the last few days. I guess you could say that I am in a daze. I have been working lightly, hanging out with family and friends, and clinging to Mr. C all the while 3/4 of me is completely alert, aware, and frankly a little ridiculous. I can not help but imagine every twinge inside my stomach and womb being growth, and then the darker thoughts creep in and I imagine the wicked witch of the month coming at any moment. Other than the on and off cramping, my "girls" are HUGE...even Mr. C's mama pointed it out this morning. Of course we both laughed and smiled hoping with each other that a pregnancy, and not the trigger shots, was causing this growth.
We are talking about having our immediate family over tomorrow for pizza and either good or bad news. I was a little nervous about being completely crushed in front of the everyone all at once but now I am thinking, "who better to be crushed in front of?"..."nobody". Our families rock in good and bad so I can't think of a better way to get the news.
I know this is just one small step in the amazing process of life. I know that a positive does not mean a full, healthy 9 month pregnancy. But from a gal who has never seen any kind of pregnancy: chemical, ectopic, etc..., I am seeing this first step of getting us pregnant as a BIG milestone.
I will post our results either way tomorrow. Thank you so much for all your prayers, emails, texts, notes, etc...
Your encouragement has kept me going. Your humor has lightened my mood. Your kindness has touched me.
Positive or Negative - God is Good!
1 more day and so over counting,
Mrs. C
We are talking about having our immediate family over tomorrow for pizza and either good or bad news. I was a little nervous about being completely crushed in front of the everyone all at once but now I am thinking, "who better to be crushed in front of?"..."nobody". Our families rock in good and bad so I can't think of a better way to get the news.
I know this is just one small step in the amazing process of life. I know that a positive does not mean a full, healthy 9 month pregnancy. But from a gal who has never seen any kind of pregnancy: chemical, ectopic, etc..., I am seeing this first step of getting us pregnant as a BIG milestone.
I will post our results either way tomorrow. Thank you so much for all your prayers, emails, texts, notes, etc...
Your encouragement has kept me going. Your humor has lightened my mood. Your kindness has touched me.
Positive or Negative - God is Good!
1 more day and so over counting,
Mrs. C
Friday, August 24, 2012
Poof....Gone!
You know that mental and emotional awesomeness I was feeling all week, and wrote about yesterday? Poof....Gone! Literally a few hours after I posted yesterday I had my first mental break-down which lead to my first emotional melt-down. BLURG! I completely blame the drugs! Crocodile tears running down my face, I could not even describe in words to Mr. C what was wrong (CRAZY MEDS!!). At the very least it did feel like kind of a relief to get it out and today I am doing good. This wait is just nuts!
2.5 days and still counting,
Mrs. C
2.5 days and still counting,
Mrs. C
Thursday, August 23, 2012
5 Days Post 5 Day Embryo Transfer
Okay, so here we are 5 days post our 5 day embryo transfer and so far I have been pretty mentally and emotionally strong through this cycle. I am mostly attributing this relaxed state to my awesome support system! My husband has encouraged staying away from work as much as possible and my mom, dad, friends, and family have been lifting, cleaning, cooking, taking me out for lunch and to the park. I do not think I have ever been this relaxed in my life :) What a fantastic group of people I am blessed with!!!! I also have been talking to HIM constantly, which I normally do, but anytime worry trys to creep in I immediately meet HIM in my heart and ask for HIS peace and comfort. I have also been so stoked with Mr. C. His faith through this whole thing has carried me. He is not afraid (like me) to ask HIM to bless us with a child - so he does and it is a beautiful act of faith.
I have to admit that I have been googling here and there things like, "3 days past 5 day embryo transfer symptoms" and "how many ivf cycles did it take you to get your BFP (otherwise known as a Big Fat Positive)." I like to read the success stories because it keeps my spirits lifted and gives me hope. I have noticed that I have been going back and forth between trying to guard myself by telling myself, "okay Mrs. C this very well might not happen. In fact it probably won't" and "yes, this is it! This is going to work! Mr. C is going to be a daddy and you are going to be a mommy". The waiting is the hardest part! Mr. C and I have thus far committed to not testing early because I had to take 2 trigger shots which is pretty much a big dose of pregnancy symptoms; so we don't want to end up with a false positive before the blood (BETA) test on Monday. That would just plain suck!
Symptoms (whether they be from meds or possible pregnancy):
1. I have had sore tata's since the beginning of meds so I am pretty sure its the meds on this one. My girls have definitely filled out, changed color, and hurt more over the past 2 days though.
2. Very small bouts of nausea. Just a little uneasy stomach...no running to the bathroom or anything. Typically happens at night
3. Times of extreme tiredness
4. Low back ache mostly at night. I hear this one as well as the rest can be a progesterone side-affect
5. Crampy here and there. At night it is more frequent. Some days more than others.
6. Hunger...but then I'm always hungry, or think I am, according to those who know me best ;)
4 more days and absolutely counting!!!
Peace Out,
Mrs. C
I have to admit that I have been googling here and there things like, "3 days past 5 day embryo transfer symptoms" and "how many ivf cycles did it take you to get your BFP (otherwise known as a Big Fat Positive)." I like to read the success stories because it keeps my spirits lifted and gives me hope. I have noticed that I have been going back and forth between trying to guard myself by telling myself, "okay Mrs. C this very well might not happen. In fact it probably won't" and "yes, this is it! This is going to work! Mr. C is going to be a daddy and you are going to be a mommy". The waiting is the hardest part! Mr. C and I have thus far committed to not testing early because I had to take 2 trigger shots which is pretty much a big dose of pregnancy symptoms; so we don't want to end up with a false positive before the blood (BETA) test on Monday. That would just plain suck!
Symptoms (whether they be from meds or possible pregnancy):
1. I have had sore tata's since the beginning of meds so I am pretty sure its the meds on this one. My girls have definitely filled out, changed color, and hurt more over the past 2 days though.
2. Very small bouts of nausea. Just a little uneasy stomach...no running to the bathroom or anything. Typically happens at night
3. Times of extreme tiredness
4. Low back ache mostly at night. I hear this one as well as the rest can be a progesterone side-affect
5. Crampy here and there. At night it is more frequent. Some days more than others.
6. Hunger...but then I'm always hungry, or think I am, according to those who know me best ;)
4 more days and absolutely counting!!!
Peace Out,
Mrs. C
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
2 Days Post Transfer
5-Day Transfer
| Days Past Transfer (DPT) | Embryo Development |
| One | The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell |
| Two | The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus |
| Three | The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation |
| Four | Implantation continues |
| Five | Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop |
| Six | Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream |
| Seven | Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted |
| Eight | Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted |
| Nine | Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy |
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Embryo Transfer
Wow!
Crazy, amazing, tears...those are the words I have for our Embryo Transfer this morning. Oh yeah, it was uncomfortable (more than I expected) but its hard for me to use that word when we just were a part of something soooo awesome!
When we arrived we met with Dr. Opera (I'll get to his new nick-name later) and discussed our full Embryo Report. Four embies made it to transfer day. So here is the break down:
12 eggs retrived
10 matured
8 fertilized normal
4 kept growing and made it to transfer day
1 out of the 4 made it to the blastocyst stage and the other 3 were a little slower. Dr. Opera showed us a picture of all 4. The embie in the bastocyst stage was a perfect circle with a lot of activity going on inside it. The other 3 looked smaller, not as perfect shape, and less activity (but they all looked perfect to me). We discussed our numbers and how many we wanted to transfer and decided on 2 which was pretty much our desion from the start, but it was a tad bit tempting for us to blurt out, "put 3 in Doc!" . Our other 2 will be frozen for later. Next came the transfer.
Mr. C and I were in the same room as my egg retrieval. Our Dr. came in humming pretty loud what sounded like The Phantom of the Opera, which made me laugh and inquire. He said that it was in fact a new pop song he keeps hearing that sounds just like Phantom. We went on to chat about seeing Phantom and Dr. Opera's recent and pleasantly surprised viewing of Cline Dion which made me laugh too. The room was set up for a pap-type event but I would not describe it like that (even though I have read it to be much like a pap). For me, the prep for the transfer was pretty uncomfortable; lots of tugging, pulling, washing, weird noises, tubes, and light pain; however, I just breathed through it all as Mr. C massaged my head which totally helped. Dr. Opera explained and showed on the screen his game plan and to Mr. C's advantage he spoke in golf terms. He showed us on the screen with the catheter where he was going to go put our embies. We all agreed it looked like a dog leg right hole and our golf expert Mr. C confirmed. They called the lab to bring our embryos. Dr. Opera put them into a catheter and said, "here they go,". Mr. C took a picture of the screen. Then we watched our two embies be shot inside via syringe and kinda twirl around. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Dr. Opera stood up and crossed his fingers and smiled. And that is that.
I started my 2 day post embryo transfer bed-rest as soon as we got in the car. I am realizing that Mr. C is right when he says, "you can't sit still", because I am struggling already through 1 day. Ha! Never thought of myself that way but I do like getting stuff done. If I were at the beach or pool - different story - but "no swimming" is on my restriction list so housebound I am. Thankfully I was completely wiped from my lack of sleep the prior night so I pretty much slept the day away. I have some cramping here and there and my system is kinda starting to get back to a normal place. I am still taking all the prior meds plus 2 more suppositories - yuck!
Praising HIM for the life HE created and allowed inside me. Thanking HIM for Dr. Opera and his amazing team. Praying for the implantation process to occur and a healthy full term pregnancy.
Now we wait for the 27th which will be our pregnancy test.
Crazy, amazing, tears...those are the words I have for our Embryo Transfer this morning. Oh yeah, it was uncomfortable (more than I expected) but its hard for me to use that word when we just were a part of something soooo awesome!
When we arrived we met with Dr. Opera (I'll get to his new nick-name later) and discussed our full Embryo Report. Four embies made it to transfer day. So here is the break down:
12 eggs retrived
10 matured
8 fertilized normal
4 kept growing and made it to transfer day
1 out of the 4 made it to the blastocyst stage and the other 3 were a little slower. Dr. Opera showed us a picture of all 4. The embie in the bastocyst stage was a perfect circle with a lot of activity going on inside it. The other 3 looked smaller, not as perfect shape, and less activity (but they all looked perfect to me). We discussed our numbers and how many we wanted to transfer and decided on 2 which was pretty much our desion from the start, but it was a tad bit tempting for us to blurt out, "put 3 in Doc!" . Our other 2 will be frozen for later. Next came the transfer.
Mr. C and I were in the same room as my egg retrieval. Our Dr. came in humming pretty loud what sounded like The Phantom of the Opera, which made me laugh and inquire. He said that it was in fact a new pop song he keeps hearing that sounds just like Phantom. We went on to chat about seeing Phantom and Dr. Opera's recent and pleasantly surprised viewing of Cline Dion which made me laugh too. The room was set up for a pap-type event but I would not describe it like that (even though I have read it to be much like a pap). For me, the prep for the transfer was pretty uncomfortable; lots of tugging, pulling, washing, weird noises, tubes, and light pain; however, I just breathed through it all as Mr. C massaged my head which totally helped. Dr. Opera explained and showed on the screen his game plan and to Mr. C's advantage he spoke in golf terms. He showed us on the screen with the catheter where he was going to go put our embies. We all agreed it looked like a dog leg right hole and our golf expert Mr. C confirmed. They called the lab to bring our embryos. Dr. Opera put them into a catheter and said, "here they go,". Mr. C took a picture of the screen. Then we watched our two embies be shot inside via syringe and kinda twirl around. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Dr. Opera stood up and crossed his fingers and smiled. And that is that.
I started my 2 day post embryo transfer bed-rest as soon as we got in the car. I am realizing that Mr. C is right when he says, "you can't sit still", because I am struggling already through 1 day. Ha! Never thought of myself that way but I do like getting stuff done. If I were at the beach or pool - different story - but "no swimming" is on my restriction list so housebound I am. Thankfully I was completely wiped from my lack of sleep the prior night so I pretty much slept the day away. I have some cramping here and there and my system is kinda starting to get back to a normal place. I am still taking all the prior meds plus 2 more suppositories - yuck!
Praising HIM for the life HE created and allowed inside me. Thanking HIM for Dr. Opera and his amazing team. Praying for the implantation process to occur and a healthy full term pregnancy.
Now we wait for the 27th which will be our pregnancy test.
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